What is Love?

[Revelator]

Love is a disease, and death is the cure.
Or, as Bob Dylan put it, love is just a four letter word.

 

[cross blues]

When I say unrequited love I don't mean getting your heart broken by someone you told that you care for them. I mean caring for someone that is just something in your heart alone and a feeling you are not willing to share with anyone else.

if you're saying what I think you are, we have that much in common. I am content to "love" a girl without ever talking to her because I am loving an ideal. any contact with the real girl would taint that perfect being I created. it was the same for girls that I dated (way back when I actually used to do that). usually I would see everything they did as special or unique. anything I didn't know about a girl (which was a LOT because I've never had a girlfriend for more than 3 months) I would just fill in with my ideal. eventually as I got to know the girls better, I liked them less and less. when I knew them well enough, I was no longer attracted or interested in any way.

by my definition, I have never loved another person in a romantic way. I only love the ideals that I create in my own mind. I imagine lots of people do the same thing, they just don't realize it.

 

[guinaevere]

I love a lot of people and things and I was wondering if love is significally different for different people and situations.

Yes. I think that's definately possible.

Is loving a family member different than loving a husband or a wife?

Very much yes, and very much no. There's the obvious attraction/sexual component to spousal love that should not be part of a familial love. But there ARE similar aspects. That you are willing to encourage the other to always grow, improve, be a better person even when they don't want any part of it. To be there for them, even when you'd rather be on a beach somewhere. Simply being able to share their company comfortably, et cetera.

I can be ATTRACTED to someone but that doesn't mean I love them or I can love someone without being attracted to them

Very true.

Are there different kinds of love or is it really universal?

Can't it be both? Because there *are* different types of love, but a *real* love has a universal condition. That of caring deeply for another person.

And why do so many people badmouth unrequited love? What is wrong with it?

Probably because most people equate unrequited love with pain and frustration and many negative feelings.

Love is a blanket term for a number of vaguely related emotions and situations, which, due to the limitations of modern english, can only be spoken of with various qualifiers to the word "love".

Very true. Plus, many people use words today without realizing or respecting their meanings. So many people fall into 'overwhelming physical attraction' with someone and call it love. Yes, there are generally emotional involvments as well, but nothing near to the purity of a true agape love.

never love somebody unless they love you back. you'll only end up hurt

Oh my GOSH, Falcon. Can you imagine a world like that? So parents with wayward children should simply turn their backs on the kids, never loving and praying for them?!

I'm not going to not tell someone I love them, when I do, just because love is considered a word that shouldn't be said by some people. I am a very loving person.

Ain't nothing wrong with that, Fone. I'm very much the same. I have a lot to give out. I really have never run out of love to share with my friends and family.

Unfortunately, I also kid around a lot, and often times I believe people write off my "I love you's" as a joke. (Which at times they're said out of an attempt at humor. But I wouldn't say it even in jest unless I did love that person.)

I'm not a very lovey-dovey person, if I can help it. For instance, my favorite sister (the one closest to me in age) and I almost never say "I love you" to each other.

If you can believe after what I just wrote, I'm not terribly lovey-dovey either. Well... maybe that's changing... a bit... Nevermind.

ANYWAY. My family has always said, "I love you" to each other at least 400 times a day. Well, that may be an exaggeration. But we really do say it quite often. Does it cheapen it? Realizing I'm partially biased, I still don't think so. I don't believe something only has to be said once a season for it to have a special meaning.

<snip>but the thing is that Love is perhaps the most misunderstood concept Humanity has ever created.. (and Hate is no better)

What you have to realize, is that love, hate, all emotions are not logical, not reasonable. And because of this, they're fairly inexplicable. Why does one person like the color red, the other person blue? Each of us is so different, not only with different experiences, but also just different chipsets let's call it... So to be able to explain Love in a black and white definition may forever be impossible to accomplish in this life.

If you're content to love someone regardless of whether or not they reciprocate, then you're really not taking any risks, you know?

I can't speak for Fone, but for me, it's a safety issue. Some of us prefer not knowing a negative. =\

Friedships tend to be less conditional than romantic relationships and I would rather know the person and love them as a friend than risk putting the relationship in jeopardy.

But they shouldn't be. Love, love for friends & family AND romantic interests should be without SELFISH conditions. You don't blindly forgive some idiot for being a jerk.

It's todays society that has so screwed us up that we feel, "oh, I'm kinda bored now... I think I'll ditch this guy I'm 'commited' to." But I'll save the soap box rant for another time. Plus, I believe I've ranted on this very subject around here before.

 

[Tobias]

Personal opinion time:

Love doesn't exist in any shape or form. People just get together out of loneliness, or because of common interests. If love truly existed, we wouldn't have divorces. We wouldn't have spousal abuse. Like I said, that is my personal opinion. I have never experienced love in any form, so that's how I view it.

 

[randomguy]

Like I said, that is my personal opinion. I have never experienced love in any form, so that's how I view it.

I have never been to Greenland, but I am quite confident that it does exist. Just saying.

 

[Christopher Glennon]

if you're saying what I think you are, we have that much in common. I am content to "love" a girl without ever talking to her because I am loving an ideal. any contact with the real girl would taint that perfect being I created.

That gets you into a trap, though. When I was in high school, there were these two girls I said I loved (not at the same time, I mean over the course of the four years). I created ideal loves for both of them, and I thought I was really in love. I talked to them, but didn't make a real connection, and I was devestated when they didn't like me back. It made me depressed. And years later I feel like an idiot for saying, even to myself, that I loved them. Unrequited love sucks.

 

[Scythemantis]

Love is garbage is what it is. My first-ever relationship lasted four years, and I couldn't possibly begin to go into how deep and how perfect I thought it was. She let on that she was happy with me and was even trying to find us a permanent place to live together until the very last minute, when she suddenly says she wants to take a "break". That was over a year ago. I haven't seen her in person since, she has an entirely different personality now, and she's going to be having someone else's child soon (accidentally), but I've not begun to accept that she's even gone yet. I can't believe it really happened even if I try. I have no intention of being involved with anyone again, just the thought of it disgusts me, both because I refuse to settle for another person against my will and because I expect the same thing to happen again anyway. Don't anybody give me any of that "sure you feel that way now" hogwash, either. I know literally dozens of people, many of them related to me, who are between the ages of 30 and dead who last had a date when they were teenagers. It's very easy to turn out that way even if you try not to.

Family love? Well, the only good family I ever had was my grandmother, who passed away about a year and a half ago. She thought the world of me, and had more energy, attitude and humor than anyone I've ever since encountered in anyone over 60. She died of cancer in my very own home. I've never known any other relatives on that side of my family, and those on my dad's side, except for a couple of my cousins, are stereotypical rednecks and loopy christians who are just plain agony to be around for more than a second.

My father is a drug addict and alcoholic who tries his best to be there for me but lives with his girlfriend and her kids which he treats as his new immediate family. My mother is just completely warped. Childish, selfish, delusional, irresponsible, vain and arrogant all in the most extreme possible sense. She believes that my father abused her for their entire marriage when that isn't remotely true, and she literally believes herself to be perfect. She actually says things like "I'm wonderful, I've never lied and I've never done anything wrong in my entire life", and I mean she blurts them out completely unprovoked. She "homeschooled" me from 4th grade to present, but I did all the work entirely alone. She never raised a finger to teach me.

Now my parents have finalized their divorce (they worked at it for five years) and are parting ways. My mother's moving to florida with her boyfriend and my father already lives with that other family, so I'm going to live alone in a horse stable. No, seriously. It's built like an actual house inside, and rent is only a third of what you would pay for even a smaller apartment here. Course, I still only make just enough to cover that and food.

As for friends, I've never had one. I don't mean I've only had bad experiences with friends, I just mean I have literally never had one, so I have nothing to say on that topic.

The only things I have that I love are my two rats, and they do love me back (pet rats act like ludicrously affectionate, tiny puppies) but they only have a two-year lifespan and like everything else, I could never bring myself to replace them. All I will have, then, are my insects, aquatic animals and inanimate objects.

Love doesn't exist in any shape or form. People just get together out of loneliness, or because of common interests. If love truly existed, we wouldn't have divorces. We wouldn't have spousal abuse. Like I said, that is my personal opinion. I have never experienced love in any form, so that's how I view it.

See, this guy is going places.

 

[Fone Bone]

Yes. I think that's definately possible.

Very much yes, and very much no. There's the obvious attraction/sexual component to spousal love that should not be part of a familial love. But there ARE similar aspects. That you are willing to encourage the other to always grow, improve, be a better person even when they don't want any part of it. To be there for them, even when you'd rather be on a beach somewhere. Simply being able to share their company comfortably, et cetera.

I like that kind of love.

Very true.

Can't it be both? Because there *are* different types of love, but a *real* love has a universal condition. That of caring deeply for another person.

I guess. I was asking because I wasn't sure.

Probably because most people equate unrequited love with pain and frustration and many negative feelings.

I've never had that experience but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist for other people.

Ain't nothing wrong with that, Fone. I'm very much the same. I have a lot to give out. I really have never run out of love to share with my friends and family.

I always love a lot of people at once. That's just the way I am.

Unfortunately, I also kid around a lot, and often times I believe people write off my "I love you's" as a joke. (Which at times they're said out of an attempt at humor. But I wouldn't say it even in jest unless I did love that person.)

I don't think I've ever said "I love you" as a joke either.

I can't speak for Fone, but for me, it's a safety issue. Some of us prefer not knowing a negative. =\

Safety is a big part of it. I don't want to get hurt. Some people might say that isn't taking risks but if I'm content in my life I don't see the problem with it.

But they shouldn't be. Love, love for friends & family AND romantic interests should be without SELFISH conditions. You don't blindly forgive some idiot for being a jerk.

It's todays society that has so screwed us up that we feel, "oh, I'm kinda bored now... I think I'll ditch this guy I'm 'commited' to." But I'll save the soap box rant for another time. Plus, I believe I've ranted on this very subject around here before.

I know these things. My ex-girlfriend cheated on me repeatedly and I wasn't about to forgive her just because we used to be friends. Selfish conditions are one thing but I don't want someone to leave me just because I have a hard time thinking straight or because I get confused a lot. True friends don't do that to me but someone I was romantically invloved with might.

I have never been to Greenland, but I am quite confident that it does exist. Just saying.

OR maybe you are part of the conspiracy.

 

[guinaevere]

My ex-girlfriend cheated on me repeatedly and I wasn't about to forgive her just because we used to be friends.

I don't think I could ever forgive someone for cheating on me. I *should* be able to, I know. But when I let someone into my world and know me and really love me, I'm too vulnerable, all the walls are down. For them to turn around and squish that... Naw.

Selfish conditions are one thing but I don't want someone to leave me just because I have a hard time thinking straight or because I get confused a lot. True friends don't do that to me but someone I was romantically invloved with might.

I think the thing with romantic/intimate relationships is that we need that other person to be strong, if not for us, but for themselves as well. Otherwise the relationship winds up being lopsided, and one person carries a burden to support both in the relationship, whether intentional or not.

With friends, the bond isn't generally as strong, so it isn't as much of a burden. If that makes sense.

 

[Eddie G.]

Personally...

Love is not sex and love has nothing to do with sex. Sex and sexual attraction is usually a selfish thing that we do for our own enjoyment, may that enjoyment be as in my case enjoying sex or having a child from sex or having what some people choose to believe (and maybe) is a huge leap in their relationship.

A relationship is not love, and if it is than love is nothing more than really really liking someone. A relationship is also a selfish thing, I'm friends with my friends because I enjoy having their relationship, I date a girl if a certain quality attracts me to her, selfish stuff. This doesn't mean that I'm a selfish jerk to the people close to me, but the reason I have relationships with these people is for a selfish reason.

I think love is not something you can just have, you have to work for love. I think love is based on actions. For example the mentioned old story of someone being a jackass because the person they really really like doesn't really really like them back, this person does not love, he does not show love. If he showed love then he wouldn't be a jackass for someone else doing what makes them happy. In the end I think love is all good in the world, love is tolerance, love is morality, love is peace, love is helping, even when you don't want to do something or when you don't care.

For everyone else...
As far as I can tell most people see love as like I said before, really really liking someone.

 

[HumanoidTyphoon]

100 dollars a night that's love baby...

Love is confusing. I think there are different types and/or levels of love. There's a general friendly type(love and peace!) a family type(an unconditional affection) and a romantic type(sort of a combination between the others.) Fone Bone I would think what you are talking about is more of a friendly type. I think if it's truly love in the romantic sense most everyone will eventually take the risk and let the person know how they feel.

Love is not the perfect fairytale fantasy that a lot of people seem to get in their heads. It requires you to work.

For the record Greenland has not existed for 3 years.

 

[Fone Bone]

I don't think I could ever forgive someone for cheating on me. I *should* be able to, I know. But when I let someone into my world and know me and really love me, I'm too vulnerable, all the walls are down. For them to turn around and squish that... Naw.

I have OCD so me being able to kiss someone and stuff is a real trust issue with me. I am constantly surprised at how people who cheat don't see it that way. By the way, it isn't hard to stay faithful. People who think it is are liars and just used to getting their own way without thinking about anyone else. Being faithful to a loved one is one of the easiest things a person can ever do.

I think the thing with romantic/intimate relationships is that we need that other person to be strong, if not for us, but for themselves as well. Otherwise the relationship winds up being lopsided, and one person carries a burden to support both in the relationship, whether intentional or not.

With friends, the bond isn't generally as strong, so it isn't as much of a burden. If that makes sense.

That's probably why I prefer to have girls as friends.

 

[Psilon]

Love is garbage is what it is. My first-ever relationship lasted four years, and I couldn't possibly begin to go into how deep and how perfect I thought it was. She let on that she was happy with me and was even trying to find us a permanent place to live together until the very last minute, when she suddenly says she wants to take a "break". That was over a year ago. I haven't seen her in person since, she has an entirely different personality now, and she's going to be having someone else's child soon (accidentally), but I've not begun to accept that she's even gone yet. I can't believe it really happened even if I try. I have no intention of being involved with anyone again, just the thought of it disgusts me, both because I refuse to settle for another person against my will and because I expect the same thing to happen again anyway. Don't anybody give me any of that "sure you feel that way now" hogwash, either. I know literally dozens of people, many of them related to me, who are between the ages of 30 and dead who last had a date when they were teenagers. It's very easy to turn out that way even if you try not to.

Family love? Well, the only good family I ever had was my grandmother, who passed away about a year and a half ago. She thought the world of me, and had more energy, attitude and humor than anyone I've ever since encountered in anyone over 60. She died of cancer in my very own home. I've never known any other relatives on that side of my family, and those on my dad's side, except for a couple of my cousins, are stereotypical rednecks and loopy christians who are just plain agony to be around for more than a second.

My father is a drug addict and alcoholic who tries his best to be there for me but lives with his girlfriend and her kids which he treats as his new immediate family. My mother is just completely warped. Childish, selfish, delusional, irresponsible, vain and arrogant all in the most extreme possible sense. She believes that my father abused her for their entire marriage when that isn't remotely true, and she literally believes herself to be perfect. She actually says things like "I'm wonderful, I've never lied and I've never done anything wrong in my entire life", and I mean she blurts them out completely unprovoked. She "homeschooled" me from 4th grade to present, but I did all the work entirely alone. She never raised a finger to teach me.

Now my parents have finalized their divorce (they worked at it for five years) and are parting ways. My mother's moving to florida with her boyfriend and my father already lives with that other family, so I'm going to live alone in a horse stable. No, seriously. It's built like an actual house inside, and rent is only a third of what you would pay for even a smaller apartment here. Course, I still only make just enough to cover that and food.

As for friends, I've never had one. I don't mean I've only had bad experiences with friends, I just mean I have literally never had one, so I have nothing to say on that topic.

The only things I have that I love are my two rats, and they do love me back (pet rats act like ludicrously affectionate, tiny puppies) but they only have a two-year lifespan and like everything else, I could never bring myself to replace them. All I will have, then, are my insects, aquatic animals and inanimate objects.



See, this guy is going places.

Ouch.

I can't even begin to comprehend your situation.

But do you really think it's wise to write off all future relationships just because of one ****ed up *****. Well I you're parents are *******s too. The thing is by now you're so used to pain. Why not take the risk of meeting new ppl, not neccessarily for romantic reasons but even just as friends. What have you got to loose- you can only gain.

 

[Scythemantis]

Actually, I'm not used to it at all. Until this past year or so I'd never experienced even minor loss or any sort of depression. In fact, If anything I was irritatingly optimistic and utterly trusting of pretty much anyone I knew. I never even had the slightest disagreement with my ex, not once was I ever actually upset with her over anything, and there wasn't any drifting apart or deteriorating...she just ended it like slamming into a brick wall, even said she wanted to stay friends but never put forth any effort into that. Same with my grandmother; everyone knew how sick she was, but she didn't, and she showed no actual SIGNS of it until literally the last couple weeks. She had never even showed signs of age, she was as energetic as a teenager until suddenly she was bedridden and hallucinating. It's because she always went to the same doctor all her life, and he used an outdated x-ray machine that couldn't even see the cancer when it had spread through her whole system. Noone sued him, either. The whole family is just that lazy. They talked about how much he deserved to be sued, and still do, but apparently that's as far as they feel the need to go.

Love is not sex and love has nothing to do with sex. Sex and sexual attraction is usually a selfish thing that we do for our own enjoyment, may that enjoyment be as in my case enjoying sex or having a child from sex or having what some people choose to believe (and maybe) is a huge leap in their relationship.

Nah. Love is sex. It's all controlled by the same hormones. It's sexual attraction in a small enough dose that it somehow feels like something entirely different and inexplicable. Rest assured, science has a proven technical explanation for everything no matter how spiritual or special humans want to pretend that something is.

 

[Eddie G.]

Nah. Love is sex. It's all controlled by the same hormones. It's sexual attraction in a small enough dose that it somehow feels like something entirely different and inexplicable. Rest assured, science has a proven technical explanation for everything no matter how spiritual or special humans want to pretend that something is.

You're taking what I said out of context, I know that sex and relationships and all those fuzzy feelings we have inside have nothing to do with some mystical force. I know people don't have sex because of love just as I know people don't have relationships out of it. I should have been more clear and made refrence to how those fuzzy feelings that we get about a special someone usually root from our sexual attraction.

I'm saying that love is more of an abstract housing for all concepts of tolerance and kindess and the like, something that has little to do with sex or relationships. Or it just doesn't exist. Either way we more or less agree with each other, I just have a tagged on theory.

 

[Christopher Glennon]

I think the thing with romantic/intimate relationships is that we need that other person to be strong, if not for us, but for themselves as well. Otherwise the relationship winds up being lopsided, and one person carries a burden to support both in the relationship, whether intentional or not.

With friends, the bond isn't generally as strong, so it isn't as much of a burden. If that makes sense.

I think the main difference between friends and lovers is that, ideally, you only have one boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/whatever, so you're only giving that specific kind of love to one person and one person alone. You can have a bunch of friends, but there's only one person that sees this specific side of you.

I have no intention of being involved with anyone again, just the thought of it disgusts me, both because I refuse to settle for another person against my will and because I expect the same thing to happen again anyway. Don't anybody give me any of that "sure you feel that way now" hogwash, either. I know literally dozens of people, many of them related to me, who are between the ages of 30 and dead who last had a date when they were teenagers. It's very easy to turn out that way even if you try not to.

I'm sorry you feel that way Scythe, but you do raise an interesting point. Sometimes love can screw you, and not everyone will have a love of their life.

Hey, my 500th post...and just when Matthew McConaughey is on Conan O'Brien...how appropriate.

 

[Otaku Bishop]

Hi, I was thinking. I love a lot of people and things and I was wondering if love is significally different for different people and situations. Is loving a family member different than loving a husband or a wife? I don't mean sexually of course but when I think of loving someone sex doesn't enter into it. I can be ATTRACTED to someone but that doesn't mean I love them or I can love someone without being attracted to them. Are there different kinds of love or is it really universal? Is just the idea that you care about someone the significant thing?

And why do so many people badmouth unrequited love? What is wrong with it?

Accually, yes. The kind you were just discribing is called Eros, kinda like that little Greek god, you know. Well, you can say "I love my mom" and "I love this pizza." Two completely different types of love.

 

[Zach]

She wasn't really a greek goddess. Just a crazy womon from Greek Mythology.

 

[AndreaBeaumont]

I'm tempted to just post a picture of a hand, but I figured that'd be bad, even for me.

Instead, I'll just post this.

AHAHAHAHA. Everytime I saw this thread on the Cafe I'd start humming it. LOL. Awesome picture.

"Baby don't hurt me, no more."

 

[Otaku Bishop]

She wasn't really a greek goddess. Just a crazy womon from Greek Mythology.

You are supposed to know more about Greek myths than me!!! Eros is a guy!!!