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Kury Wagner

Jizzyboobgirlkury
Joined
Feb 11, 2004
Messages
12,304
Location
Hell's Cupcake
I've been experimenting with new styles of writing. Not just with poetry, but also with stories. I'm expanding my talent, I suppose. Lately, I've taken to writing poems in the style you'll see below. I realize it's quirky, but I really like it. I can express the words I aim to show, yet leave room for thought. I hope you like these poems, and if you do, I might post more as I write them.


undone

I'm sick of living--
--in the clouds--
--I feel so drawn--
--a quick sketch.

I need details--
--I feel so bland--
--I want substance.

Dream boy--
--contradicting hair--
--always optimistic--
--why can't I be too?

A facade--
--my dull life--
--mystery or tedium?

They think I have secrets--
--the joke's on them--
--I give an impression of more--
--but more what?

Dream boy--
--fix my frown--
--be my detail.


This next one was loosely based off of a friend of mine; Jenny. It sort of goes with this picture.

Us Young Women

Pink-
Stuffed animals-
She's so young;
just a girl!
... who am I to talk?

In the mirror:
sad girl;
empty eyes.

Five or fifteen?
Which is she?
Which are we?

Footie jammies-
Barbie dolls-
Make-up-
It's for play;
we're pretending.

So immature.
We're scared.
... of growing up.



Remember, of course, that the simplest comment brings me great joy.
 
Title inspired by something I said this afternoon. Written May 2006. I personally love the third stanza.

Wounded
I'll tell you
this as
a warning:
I'm fragile
right now.

I want to tell you
to stop saying
such hurtful words,
but I am too weak
to act on desires.

These tears
are like
concrete dust.
Debris from
disintegration.

I'm trying
to breathe,
to not cry
anymore.

Where are those
kind words that
I need to hear
right now?

You're speaking
of times when I
erred greatly,
but I won't listen.

Sorry, but
my spirit is
already
broken.

If I run,
will my
legs
follow?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Me likey

The themes in your work are somewhat reminicient of TS Elliot. That whole, questioning one's authenticity and such... That's about all I can say. You're not slavish to rhyme, your meter is compelling... They read easily... I'm out of feedback.
 
Da-ta-da-ta! A fresh piece! I wrote this thinking about a friend of mine. This is my take on... stuff, if I were in her shoes. Actually, the first line of stanza one and two came straight from her mouth.

Insecurity
Written June 2006.

I am crying over breakfast
as I listen to this soft song
playing in the background.
It is bittersweet-sounding
yet it reminds me of you.

I'm sobbing into my pancakes
confused about our position.
Do we stand anywhere at all?
How can I have tears in my eyes
as well as a smile upon my face?

If I put my life on speakerphone
will it be easier to hear the truth?
I believe I may just be paranoid,
worried that I'll lose you before
I even get a chance to have you.

seanquixote said:
The themes in your work are somewhat reminicient of TS Elliot. That whole, questioning one's authenticity and such... That's about all I can say. You're not slavish to rhyme, your meter is compelling... They read easily... I'm out of feedback.
Wow, I've gotten cummings before, but never Elliot. Thank you greatly for the comments.
 
Wow, you're like my emo poet lauriate today.

Wow, you have good timing. I've got it bad for a girl and she doesn't got it bad back. Pity, but hey, I'm on the verge of tears after watching an episode of Titus, so I'm probably not too subjective right now.

Still, that was moving. And the meter in that one was really good. You captured the stilted reluctant feeling of your subject really well. I'm a go be less emo now, keep up the good work.
 
Kury, you never cease to amaze me. Your writing is SPECTACULAR! You capture the emotion just right, and put the emotion into powerful words. Great work, and I look forward to reading more later! I will definitely not be suprised when I see some of your work published later on!




Luv always,
Squisheee
 
Amazing.

I do believe this is the first time I've read your work. It's deep, Kurt. I like it. Keep it up.

-Rin
 
Thank you, guys. Your kind words help fuel my writing. I've got a new one. Well, actually a few new ones. I'm not sure they're normal enough to post just yet, though. For now, I hope you enjoy this one.

Like Sisters
Written June 2006.

Hand in hand
we walk together.
Ying and yang,
fright and might,
half and half.
We're two together
fighting our fight.
We can't wait
to live our life.
 
Poetry, anyone? ... anyone? ... no? ... too bad.

Wrote two new ones recently, and I found an old one that I don't believe I've ever posted here. I personally love the last one, Lost Love. Critiques are lovely, even when harsh.


The Game
Written November 2005.
I saw him as a challenge;
a fun task,
a game to play.
Slightly resistant at the start,
I thought he'd make things hard.
But he was surprisingly easy to win.
I feel close to the finish line,
just a little while longer before winning.
I'll win the race;
I'll win the boy;
just because it sounded fun.


Liar
Written July 2006.
She called me lovesick
I called her pathetic.
I haven't fallen.
Besides, how can you fall
when you're already down?
Wrong person.
Wrong emotion.
She can't seem to read me right.
Or maybe I'm the one who's wrong.


Lost Love
Written July 2006.
Raindrops are falling.
What do you have to say for yourself?
I knew your love wasn't going to last.

My clothes are soaked through.
Do you have anything to say before I leave?
Small talk really isn't necessary.

The thunder frightens you.
Is it wrong that I hate your words?
Sometimes I really miss what we had.
 

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