Divorce

[Frozen]

Originally posted by Clayface
Unfortunately, my parents are still together. They hate each other, and have since sometime in my grade school years. They stayed together because it was "what's best for the kids". Funny though that the kids wanted nothing more than for them to get a divorce. Go figure.

I completely understand what you mean. My parents fought like cat and dog the first eleven years of my life, then split up and divorced... then got back together gain... then fought like cat and dog for another four years before finally admitting it was never gonna work and calling it a day...

Boy, after fifteen years of watching my folks fight mean, vicious, nasty fights, was I ever glad when they admitted defeat...

 

[Clayface]

Originally posted by Frozen
I completely understand what you mean. My parents fought like cat and dog the first eleven years of my life, then split up and divorced... then got back together gain... then fought like cat and dog for another four years before finally admitting it was never gonna work and calling it a day...

Boy, after fifteen years of watching my folks fight mean, vicious, nasty fights, was I ever glad when they admitted defeat...

Yep, I've watched my folks go at it for a majority of my life. They make each other miserable, and they always used the excuse that they had to stay together for the children instead of admitting that they were just both afraid to have to go back out into the world and "start over". What's interesting is now that my brother and I are grown up and out of the house, they're still together and fighting but are finally starting to come to the realization that the real reason they never ended it was because they're afraid to.

I just don't understand that mindset at all. It seems a few months, maybe years, of uncertainty by returning to single life seems to me to be a much better options than 20-some years of anger, hatred, and unhappiness.

 

[Elven Moon]

My parents are currently getting divorced. I don't like it, and it hurts like heck, but I can't stop them. Besides, there's a reason they are that I don't feel like revealing... sigh...

 

[Carnage]

wow, seems like a lot of peoples' parents have been divorced at one point or another. My parents have been together for about 30 years (okay, so I forgot the exact number, give me a break)

 

[Discloner]

According to the Topic of Divorvce we are covering in Sociology, the affects of divorce can be very great, but it all depends on what age you are.

For instance:

If you were in kindergarden, you might act more childish.

Ages 7-9 boys usually will become more agressive and act out. Girls will usually become quite -"Little Adults" as my book would say.

Teens act out even more, and there long term affects too.

While not all kids experience these things, It really depends on the situation, for instance a child who is with undivorced parents who argue constintly may have the same problems as an child with divorced parents.

Basicly its all in how the parents handle the divorce, if they hold resentment towards each other the child will be more likely to have problems later on.

Just thought it might be some intersting info....I thought it was

 

[Frozen]

My parents divorce was very acrimonious - lots of *****ing and accusations... just like their married life, in fact.

I don't know if it had any long term effects on me. All I can think of is that I am very reluctant to argue with my wife, which can't be a bad thing, especially as she's just the same, and would prefer to discuss a matter rather than start name calling and hitting me with frying pans...

 

[Clayface]

You know, that's the exact same effect its had on me. I guess I learned by example how not to act in a relationship.

 

[Frozen]

And, having seen her batter a door down with her bare hands so she could get to my Dad, it also taught me never to antagonise my mother...

 

[James]

My parents divorced a couple of years ago and it was... very messy. Still is. My mother has moved away from my father, my sister has major issues with him and I've sat in the middle for two hard years trying to keep communications open to allow communication to flow between my sister and father. However lately, my sister has decided she needs a total break from her dad, until a time she feels she wants to communicate with him. I just stay away from the problem now. I just don't feel able to, or prepared to cope with it all.

My father's relationship to me and my sister is totally different. I've always tried to please, or at least aspire to please a father who I never felt I ever could. Even now I still feel myself trying to get approval and I hate myself for that. He doesn't understand what he put myself, my sister and my mother through, and probably never will. There is no malice against him, I just don't want to deal with him. None of us do.

He was - and is a very controlling man and many issues I have I now feel I place at his door. It's a messy affair and I wish that divorce had come sooner. It would have been better for all.

My point here? That divorce is as much about the kids as the parents. As has been said, if things are a mess, best to split before it taints the children let alone the couple...

 

[Captain Yurika]

Originally posted by Discloner
Lately in Sociology, we've been talking about Divorce rates, causes, and affects on children. So, I just got to wondering how many people here have divorced parents?

Mine are.

If it's too personal to answer, please don't.

Reading through these posts makes me so sad. Yeah my parents argued quite growing up on differences in issues and so forth, but I knew they always loved each other and worked out their problems. They even went to marriage counseling. After 25 years of marriage my father passed away, so who's to say, though I truly think they would have stuck it out.

If I ever get married, I intend it to be for good. I don't believe in divorce except if the person is cheating or they were to leave me. Anything else should be worked out ahead of time. I remember a co-worker of mine at a pt job, who was going through a divorce. He was married a short time when she got pregnant and decided she wasn't ready for kids and left him. He will probably have majority custody since she cares more for going out to bars than playgroups, but to me that is something you work out before getting married then take steps, like being sure you're protecting your selves or whatever.

And for those of you going through the parental divorce I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how it would feel.

 

[meatwad945]

still together but most of my friends parents arent

 

[atf487]

Well, my parents aren't divorced, but I still hate whats going on..

Ya see, my parents both drink alot. Not enough to get abusive, but enough to say really stupid things, and have fights almost nightly. Since they never see each other until 6:00 or so, they get about an hour of useful time together before they get drunk off their arse. My mom is great during the day, my dad seems to hate me, and my mom has to almost force him to buy me things, etc....

They are old, too, around 51, so they can't keep doing this. I really think my dad could die before I graduate college....

 

[Shnay]

My parents divorced when I was about ten years old. It didn't have any of the aggressive effects that Discloner described. I say it probably went the opposite way, and caused a lot of sadness and depression for me. At the same time, I had to really act like it wasn't bothering me at all for the sake of my younger brother (who took it really hard) and my mother (who was really struggling to adapt).

Now, though, the situation is pretty good. My parents get along fine, my mom has remarried, and my dad might do the same very soon. Actually (if my dad gets rearried) it will be the third marraige for both of them. They each had married once before.

One thing I think is interesting is that now it's really just as common to find people with divorced parents as it is to find people whose parents are still together. I think the statistic is about 50% of marraiges end in divorce, right? It's definitely a different world than it was thirty years ago.

 

[batboy2001]

My case is similiar to frozen's and clayface's. It's rather odd sometimes they get along other times, fighting cussing and yelling... It used to bother me more I, I guess it still does to some extent... I have kind of tried to cut them out of my life... Boy, I feel depressed now.....

 

[fun*dip]

mine are

 

[Discloner]

Originally posted by Shnay
I think the statistic is about 50% of marraiges end in divorce, right? It's definitely a different world than it was thirty years ago.

Yet another topic covered in Sociology Class. That statistic is untrue. I forget how it's dirived, something like..all divorces in a year/marrages in a year. This isn't accurate, the people getting married in a given year are not nessisarally the same people getting divorced in a year.

While there are several diffrent stats, one thing is true the US has the highest divorce rate among industrial nations. However, our divorce rate isn't climbing, as a matter of fact it's leveled off and even slowly declining. Numbers can be twisted to make people believe things that aren't nessisarally true....something I've learned in Statistics class.

Jeeze! Senior year is full of info for me isn't it?!?

 

[Theking]

Well I had no divorces in my entire family growing up. All the way through Aunts and Uncles on both my mom's and my father's side.

But that all changed when I got married, My wife's family is just full of divorce. Her mother just can't pick a man that is not abusive or a total loser. The guy she is with now has walked out and cheated on her twice already but she is too scared to be on her own so when he comes back she forgives him and pretends that nothing has happened.

After a while I understood what my wife was talking about when she said that she was drawn to me because I was stable. At the time we were dating that didn't sound like such a compliment, but now it does.

As for my Parents - 36 yrs together and counting, I can remember them fighting sometimes but that was when we were dirt poor and they were trying to give 3 kids everything they could. Now that us kids are all out of the house things are better for them money wise and that just makes life better. I don't think that they would ever divorce because they don't believe it is an option and they wouldn't know how to live without the other one.

TheKing

 

[Frozen]

Now you bring up the topic of divorce when applied to the family as a whole, I suddenly realise my family is riddled with it...

My parents are divorced, my maternal grandparents are divorced and all my aunties and uncles are divorced...

The tragic thing is he only couple in my family that stayed together forever, and were absolutely devoted to each other, who were the truest model of a happy marriage it's ever been my pleasure to see, were my paternal grandparents - and he died ten years ago and left her a widow...

Man, I'm the biggest optimist you'll see, and it's very very rare you'll hear me say this... but sometimes life sucks.

 

[JohnCrichton]

Mine are together, no idea how long, but I wish they had divorced. They aren't right together.....

*sigh*

 

[Captain Yurika]

Originally posted by Theking


But that all changed when I got married, My wife's family is just full of divorce. Her mother just can't pick a man that is not abusive or a total loser. The guy she is with now has walked out and cheated on her twice already but she is too scared to be on her own so when he comes back she forgives him and pretends that nothing has happened.

After a while I understood what my wife was talking about when she said that she was drawn to me because I was stable. At the time we were dating that didn't sound like such a compliment, but now it does.

As for my Parents - 36 yrs together and counting, I can remember them fighting sometimes but that was when we were dirt poor and they were trying to give 3 kids everything they could. Now that us kids are all out of the house things are better for them money wise and that just makes life better. I don't think that they would ever divorce because they don't believe it is an option and they wouldn't know how to live without the other one.

TheKing [/B]

Your mother-in-law sounds like she has some serious issues. There's always a problem with self-esteem when one goes after the patterned "loser" boyfriend.
Your wife is lucky, and it's nice to have the background of a happy family.

In my family as a whole, it's only "my generation" that gets divorced. My mom and aunts and uncles and grandparents have all done/are doing the "till death do us part" thing. Now my cousins....they have all been married and divorced at least once, some are on their 3rd round, and some have had kids between marriages, and one cousin got pregnant at 16, is divorced, and her daughter now 20 has 2 kids already.

It seems to say alot to me how the quality perhaps of relationships has gone down over the past few decades. People get married quicker, live together sooner or more often and get divorced just as often. Now I know some couples may not be happy together, but I'm firm believer in staying married. I know I've never been in the situation to say for sure though.