Another Opening Of Another Show

[The Guard]

It's that time again. Autumn theater auditions have wrapped, and I made it into the cast of A THURBER CARNIVAL, a collection of comedy vignettes by James Thurber. I'm playing the husband in A UNICORN IN THE GARDEN, a British gentleman, an American store manager who tries to be British, James Thurber himself in a skit about the idiocy of publishers, and finally, Walter Mitty in THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY. So I'm excited to get started with rehearsals. I'm also going to be writing a student play to be performed Spring of 2004. It's a romantic comedy set on a college campus (how original). More details as I get them.

 

[Rune]

Ohhh, congratulations on landing all those roles, they sound pretty varied so a good chance to cover a lot of ground there - hope the British accent comes off nicely too.

Break a leg

 

[Digu Volz]

Break two legs...! and your arms... and maybe some ribs...

 

[DianaGohan]

Maybe you should take a break from saying what he should take a break Dig Volz.

Anyway, congratulations on getting that part, The Guard. Don't break anything okay? Otherwise how else are you gonna preform?

 

[Digu Volz]

Give me a break, Diana. I'm just trying to be supportive.

 

[The Guard]

The story the script is based on, for anyone who wants to see it:

http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/6821/thurber.html

 

[DianaGohan]

Give me a break, Diana. I'm just trying to be supportive.

Well yeah, but when you're talking about breaking ribs I kinda get a bad image in my head.

 

[The Guard]

Opening Night is tonight. We're proud of it so far, and I guess three fourths of our season ticket holders are coming tonight, so we should have a nice crowd. Here's what I have to do over the course of the night (without glasses, of course, so I'm damn near blind)

Dance.

Run offstage. Change clothes.

Go onstage. Do skit about seeing an invisible unicorn.

Run offstage. Put on white wing cape and "stork" helmet.

Go onstage. Using "Homer Simpson" voice, portray a drunk stork. Get pelted with stage bricks by angry female cast members after the punchline. Grope in the dark for the bricks. Collect them.

Run offstage. Change clothes. Apply a fake walrus mustache.

Go onstage. Play a British gentleman, complete with accent and brandy.

Run offstage. Remove walrus mustache. Change clothes. Apply boudineer. Apply a different fake mustache.

Go onstage. Play a department store floorwalker who gets proceedingly drunker as the skit goes on.

Run offstage. Run the slides for the next skit.

INTERMISSION. No, I don't get to rest. I have to remove my second fake mustache, change clothes, and a third fake mustache.

Go onstage. Deliver a monologue.

Run offstage. Help turn platforms and set up scenery for two skits.

Go onstage. Play a timid husband, a brave naval officer, a famous surgeon, and a British spy (who blows smoke all over the place), utilizing multi-colored neon lights and interesting sounds entertain the audience.

Run offstage. Extinguish cigarette.

Go onstage. Dance. Deliver final lines. Dance more.

Curtain call.

Dance more.

Greet the adoring public.

Remove fake mustache cement.